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1. where to start?

2. where to go?

2. when?

3. end up?

all those questions are killing me all the time.

hope Allah shows His petunjuk n hidayah

gimme strength, gimme hope

semoga ALLAH permudahkan segala-galanya.

Amin Ya Rabbal 'Alamin.....

exciting!

aku sedang berkobar-kobar melakukan sesuatu.... semoga ianya membuahkan hasil... dan dipermudahkan oleh Allah swt... Ameen Ya Rabbal 'Allamin...

yang pasti satu semangat baru dah absorb dlm diri aku dan ianya semakin berkobar-kobar... Alhamdulillah syukur kpd-Nya. semoga semangat ini takan padam selagi tidak menampakan hasilnya.

I hope 2010 will change my life. Ameen...

New Year 2010

Today is the first day of 2010. 010110- such a nice number is it...

not much i wanted to say... just hoping that this year will change my way of life. that's all. i think i do not have exactly new 'azam'. my only hope is my life will getting better than yesterday. and happy with people surronding me.

and mum, please get well soon... nothing in this world can replace mum....

semoga ALLAH permudahkan segala urusanku....
Ameen....

kisah best dan kisah tak best

lame gile x post any entry since raye aritu. sbb kalau tgk based on previous post, sume entry mcm kisah2 gembira saje. jarang aku nk share kisah2 dalaman ni dgn org. sendiri tanggung la...

so, mungkin sbb after raye hr tu dah x brape nk gembira hidup ini, aku stop la xtvt2 blogging ni.
ade byk kisah2 yg melakar sejarah dlm hidup aku sejak raya aritu. ade yg gembira ade yg x best.
yg bestnye, aku dah officially grade my master. dan dlm byk2 batch aku, cume aku n zarina yg every sem dpt 4 flat tu je yg grade on time. mungkin sbb ktorg ni single lg kot, so xde komitmen yg lain... hehe... yahoooooooo. bulan 5 ni konvo! yessss, konvo again. nmpknye pentas dewan seri budiman tu 3 kali la menyaksikan aku naik pentas amek scroll. sekali masa diploma dulu, 2nd time ms degree, n bulan 5 ni utk master. maybe kalau ade rezeki smbg blaja lg, aku akan pastikan aku naik pentas lain pulak. cukupla 3 kali kat DSB tuh.

so, satu2nya azam utk thn 2009 dah tercapai. mission accomplished!

yg xbesnye adalah disebabkan aku terpaksa bertungkus lumus siapkan paper aku tuh. emmm, mls nk cite pjg2 psl yg xbes ni.

lg satu kisah sedih yg sedang aku hadapi ialah mak aku tgh sakit. sebenarnya die dah sakit dr bulan 5 lg, tp ms bulan puasa tu nmpk makin teruk... n las2 dah diagnose ade lung cancer stage 4. YA ALLAH, sembuhkan penyakit mak.... ok sbb kisah ni pun sudah pasti bukan kisah yg menggembirakan so cukuplah psl tu...

cume 1 je yg buat aku kdg2 rs bersalah. bile slalu kene excuse dr ofis sbb kena bwk mak g hospital. n bile aku x le nk concentrate dgn keja2 aku disebabkan terlalu risau. mmg la org slalu ckp aku ni nmpk mcm org muke xde perasaan, every single thing happen, muke aku mcm wat bodo je, sbb aku x suke mengcomplicated hidup aku dgn problem2 ni, tp when it comes to mum, aku rs sume org pon paham. so no need further explaination.

oh ye, 2009 dah nk abes. aku akan pikirkan ape azam utk 2010 ni...

selamat hari raya

it's been a month i x update blog ni. alasan stndard ->BZ
puasa n raya thn ni bole la.. bes la gak
dpt rm2 je duit raye. singgit dr ayah, singgit dr maklong.
kakak aku pun dah tammo bg duit raye lg, ayah pun same. no provision for me. cesss
raye thn ni, 5 hari dok kat kampung. sehari b4 raye sampai la raye ke-5... okla bes gak
tp x bestnye, org raye, kene tgl sorg2 kat umh. kene siapkan thesis yg makin byk buat, makin byk x paham n makin byk keje. aiyoyoyo, lg beberape hari je lg nk kene submit ni. x sampai sebulan lagi
adoiiiiiiii
so, dpt pakai bj raye 1 je, tu pun ms hr raye pertame, then pas sesi slm2 n bg duit raye. terus tukar baju. x dpt nk melaram dgn bj2 raye...
lg,,, thn ni cume ry 4 buah umh je, kg ayah, kg mak, umh pakcik blkg umh nenek tu dgn umh auntie. tu je. yg lain x ikut pun org beraye.
hmmm,,, hr isnin n selase ni i keje, then cuti siapkan thesis. tatau la siap ke x, kalau x, extend la jwbnye.. tammo tp kalau dah takdir tiada sapa mampu melawanya kan. heheh
ni ade sket2 gambar raye, tgk la, kalau tanak tgk pun xpe...
ops lupe tujuan asal, selamat hari raya aidilfitri maaf zahir batin dari saya sekeluarga

thesis

time shown at 1:42am...

i donno to talk to who, because i noe no what want to hear...
so i think it's a good way i talk to my blog. i don hv a diary, perhaps this blog will replace diary instead to...

i am SICK of all these. i sometimes fed-up with doing something that i donno what is the outcome would be. if it will give a positive result, then Alhamdulillah. but what if it wouldnt?
i had sacrificed a lot. just to make sure i can settle all this on time, by the end of this year probably. but looking at the way how i commit to my work, i dont think it would happen. i need change i think. but i dont have enough strength to.

i forgone better offer just because of this. just imagine how i can just let go the offer, very near to my house plus a payment is one times more. people may said that i am greedy, ungrateful or so on, but i did istikharah and ask God to show me the way. and i really hope this sacrificed will rewards soon. rewards in term of what? only i know what i want in my life. no one would understand me. i have had enough of peeps who said so-many thing about what i was choosen. but i am very thankful to all peeps who shows their care-ness to me. i know i need all of u. i need ur advise and opinion. thank you so much people.

enough said about it, now, i shouldnt looking at the back. what i have to do is, FACE it on because i am the one who made a decision for myself. it one thing that i hate to do. sometimes, i always hope that i can be like a kids, much less responsibilities, everthing decided for me and everything provided for me. no need to go outside and exploring something mysteries and at the end, end up with nothing. hahaha. but it would never ever happen. i am 26 years old already. have to keep it on my mind. i can imagine if everything was decided for me, i would end-up my life in jail. or otherwise, rumah org gile. hahahaha

so, FOCUS on what i am doing right now, its only a few weeks left and i need to settle everything. it is the promise to myself. my really hope, everything will goes well. n i will get what i want. insyaALLAH.

2:08am (better go to sleep, otherwise i will sleepy while lecturing)

BIRTHDAY! what a wonderful day

it's been about 26 years ago, i was born at 2.00 pm. no wonder im bit "hot temper" since i out to see the world in the mid of the day. ohooo, bukan salah ibu mengandung. or in English i donnoe how to translate the proverb, it might be "not a fault of mum pregnant" or "it wasn't mum pregnant fault" or wateve it is..haha. how funny the direct translation it is...

but it wasn't the thing i gonna share here... reminiscing my birthday about 2 days ago, i just wanted to show some of my pictures during my birthday celebration. oh ye, for this year, i had 2 birthday celebration. the first one is celebrated by my buddies, edah n ayie. the simple and fun party dedicated specially for azrun (who was born in 1st august) and me born in a couple of days later. (however azrun is 2 years younger than me) haha. both them bought a cute cake and we went out to kedai kopi shah alam in front of dataran shah alam for cake cut ceremony... even a simple celebration, but we had fun and it was a memories that we never ever been forgotten.

our cake

birthday boy n birthday girl

plus edah

plus ayie

the second one was celebrated by my students. or should be more accurate my mentee. they invited me to have a dinner treat at one of my mentee's restaurant at ampang campuran if im not mistaken. then after we ate, the surprise looked when his gf brought a cake and put it in front of me and happy birthday song were sound. i was shocked and wat i can do was only smile! and later i said thank you so much to all of them for unexpected celebration. i think that i am lucky to have them as my mentee and students. because, i haven't seen any other lecturers have a chance to experience all these. hehe (sorry la kalau ade n i tatau)*** how perasan i am ye...

later, after cut cake ceremony, time shown at 10.45pm and my dad keep calling me asking when i will go back to home. emmm so bored staying at home with a 100% parents guidance. it will constrains my leg u see!!! i didnt did any fault but then when i arrive at home around 1130pm, my dad was bising2 at me. well.... i tot it is an usual thing and norm since many "bad habit" cases makes parents worried to their daughter especially. so i accept it and thankful to have them as my caring-loving parents. I LOVE MY PARENTS SOOO MUCH. muahxxxx

here are some of pictures, so just look at them for those who are interested. if u are not interested at all, i never ever asking or any coercion from me to look at it... haha.

my cake

cut cake ceremony

my mentees

ayie and me

among lecturers and ex-lecturer. thanks for accompanied me..